Bedtime Routines and Fears
How can you make bedtime a more peaceful and less fearful event?
Most three- and four-year-olds will sleep about
twelve hours each night. A daytime nap may continue to be part of
your child's routine, but don't be surprised when it is phased out during the
next several months.
Remember that bedtime should be early because your
child needs the sleep and you need time with other children, your spouse, or
yourself. During the middle of summer, this can be a challenge. The sun may
still be shining, and all sorts of activity may still be going on outside at
what is normally bedtime.
You will need to decide how much to bend your
routines to match the seasons, or perhaps invest in heavy window shades if you
need to darken your child's room at this time of year. You may also need to
exercise sensible flexibility to accommodate family work schedules.
Routines
The activities that surround getting tucked in
should become a familiar and quieting routine. At this age, bedtime can be a
delightful, enlightening experience. You can introduce your child to some
wonderful stories, including books with several chapters that can create eager
anticipation for the next night's installment. Your child's desire to keep the
lights on and you in the room as long as possible will usually cause her to be
remarkably transparent and receptive.
Expect to hear some of her private thoughts
("I think I know what Buster is saying when he barks . . .") or to
tackle some riddles of the universe ("Where is heaven?"). Without
being manipulated too much,
allow enough slack in your day so you can relax
during these wide-eyed sessions.
You will probably have many more opportunities at
bedtime to talk about God and the values you care about than during family
devotions or even at church, Sunday school, or other formal religious teaching
sessions.
Night time Fears
You will also need to deal with some childhood
fears when it's time to tuck in. Monsters in the closet, under the bed, or
outside the window may need to be banished.
Be sure to ask what your child has in mind — is the
creature something from a book or video, or perhaps a
tall tale spun by an insensitive adolescent next door? Are we talking about
space aliens, Brothers Grimm concoctions, or something from the nightly news
that is in fact a reality somewhere in the world or the community? Are there
tensions at home creating a need for reassurance?
Very often the beast in question doesn't exist
except in someone's imagination. In this case it can be tempting to give a light-hearted,
direct inspection ("I don't see any monsters in your closet — just a lot
of junk!"), but you may leave the impression that there are monsters or
aliens running around somewhere
— they just don't happen to be here at the moment. For these fears, more
decisive reality checks are important ("Bigfoot isn't under your bed or
anywhere else").
When the issue is burglars or other villains who
actually do exist out there,
you will need to be more specific about the safeguards in your home: You are
present (or if you are going out, someone you trust will be there), the doors
are locked, and perhaps you have a dog or an alarm system that adds to your
home's security.
In addition, remind your child that God is keeping
watch over her twenty-four hours a day. What your child really wants is
reassurance and confidence that things are under control.
If a fearful bedtime resistance persists or
escalates, take time to find out if something else is bothering her. Did your
child see a disturbing image on TV or a video? Did she hear an argument the
other night? Did something else frighten her?
Once you have spent time exploring the problem, it
is okay to make some minor adjustments to reduce the anxiety level, leaving a
light on in the hallway or the door open a little wider, for example.
But don't get pulled into more elaborate or
manipulative routines, such as her insisting on falling asleep in your bed or
on the living-room floor when she claims that she's afraid of something. She
needs to know that she will be just as safe and sound in her own bed as
anywhere else.
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