Father Forgets - W.Livingston Larned

Father Forgets
W.Livingston Larned

I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumbled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your dump forehead.
I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me.
Guiltily, I came to your bedside. There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel, I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called you angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor, at breakfast I found fault, too.
You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Good-bye Daddy!" and I frowned, and I said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!".

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road, I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stocking Were Expensive -and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Image that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, inpatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want" I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and through you arms around my neck and kissed, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone pattering up the stairs.
Well, Son, it was shortly afterwords that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this way my reward for being a boy.

It wasn't that I didn't love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn it self over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good-night.

Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your beside in the darkness, and I have knelt there ashamed!

It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bight my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!" am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

Temper Tantrums in Children

Temper Tantrums in Children

Has your child ever had a complete meltdown in a public place that involved crying, kicking, 

blood-curdling screams and writhing on the floor? If so, take heart – you are not alone. 

Many parents would rather remove themselves mentally and physically from the moment than

endure the humiliation and embarrassment that comes with a toddler’s public meltdown. 

However, many parents are learning how to better handle and (eventually) prevent these 

unfortunate occurrences by not viewing their child’s outbursts as a disaster but, rather, taking 

time to build parent-child communication. Parents can achieve this by taking a few moments

during a temper tantrum to empathize with their child’s emotions while at the same time learn some important coping skills along the way.

What is a Temper Tantrum?
A temper tantrum is an unplanned expression of anger or frustration, often
with physical and verbal outbursts. During a temper tantrum, a child will
typically cry, yell, stomp her feet, and flail her arms and legs. A tantrum
usually lasts from 30 seconds to several minutes.

Temper tantrums are common in both boys and girls, and usually occur from
ages 1-3 years. They can occur daily in some children, and infrequently in
others. Whichever the case may be, temper tantrums are a normal part of
development for children. Temper tantrums occur in about 80 percent of children 

between the ages of 1 and 4. About 20% of 2-year-olds and 10% of 4-year-olds 

have daily temper tantrums. (1)

Why Do Children Have Temper Tantrums?
A temper tantrum is a child’s way of expressing his negative emotions before
he is able to voice them through verbal means. A child’s understanding of
language far outstrips his ability to communicate verbally, and
subsequently, his frustrations and anger are often manifested through temper
tantrums.

In other words, a temper tantrum is a child’s way of saying “I’m angry and
frustrated!” And though we may feel like this too, children don’t have the
same inhibitions or learned controlled behaviour as we do.

Preventing Temper Tantrums
Temper tantrums may occur without warning, however, parents can often tell when a child is becoming upset. Try to recognize situations where tantrums are more likely to occur, 

and plan accordingly. For example, adhere to routine meals and nap times (i.e. avoid 

having a tired and hungry child by prolonging his/her normal schedule). Avoid long outings 

without appropriate “play time” (i.e on long road trips, plan on longer rest stops for your child).

Know your child’s limits. (i.e. if your child is tired, don’t try to squeeze in that extra errand). 

Help your child avoid frustrating situations (i.e. don’t take your child down the candy aisle unless you plan on purchasing candy for him/her). Be consistent about your rules and expectations

Helping Your Child Work Through a Temper Tantrum
The most important thing to remember during a temper tantrum is to keep your
cool. If you become frustrated and angry, emotions will continue to
escalate for both parties involved. Instead, take deep breaths, keep your perspective, 

and stay calm. 

Tell your child in a calm voice that you understand his/her frustration but you 

cannot listen to this type of behaviour and walk away from the situation. 

Continue your activities without paying attention to your child, but
remaining within sight. Try not to cave into his demands. 

When parents give in, children learn to use inappropriate behaviour to get their way.

Children who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum
should be taken to a quiet safe place to calm down. This also applies to
tantrums in public places. In older children, time-outs can be useful in
these situations.  As children become more mature in understanding their 

emotions and better equipped to express themselves, temper tantrums become 

fewer and farther between. Remember that this is a stage that will eventually pass, 

and with the above tips, should become more manageable if not more bearable.

However, talk to your health professional if your child continues to have
frequent temper tantrums after 4 years of age, if her tantrums escalate into
violent behaviour that result in injuries to herself or others, or if you
have difficulty handling your child’s behaviour.

By Sandy Oak Lee

Praise Your Child

PRAISE YOUR CHILD  

 

It's easy to forget the power our words have, and we need to remember that what we say to our kid’s matters. And I'm not just talking about the negative things we say.

The way we praise our kids, where we do it, why we do it, and how we do it is important to think about so before 

you break out in applause, there are some important dos and don'ts to keep in mind that will help your child find value in your words of encouragement:

•  Praise them for what they do - Instead of giving praise like "Good boy!" or "Good girl!" explain to kids why they're getting praise. Say things like, "You helped me out so much when you helped pass out the treats."
•  Don't overdo it - Kids are smart. They know when you are faking praise and when you really mean it.
•  Praising the effort and not the outcome - recognizing your child when she has worked hard to clean the yard, cook dinner, or    complete a history assignment, says Donahue author of Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really Matters
• Your son may not be the best basketball player on his team, Donahue says. But if he's out there every day, shooting baskets, running drills, and playing hard, you should praise his effort regardless of whether his team wins or loses because it's above and beyond the norm.
• If a child strikes out a few times during a ball game and then finally gets on base with a good ground ball up the middle, he deserves praise. You should praise his resilience and his willingness to push through when the going got tough.
• Give your praise when your child has done something special that's out of the ordinary.
• When your daughter practices for weeks and finally learns to ride a two-wheel bicycle, give her praise for sticking with it.
• When your child does make that special effort that deserves praise, you can certainly dish it out as you see fit.
• But one no-no that experts agree should be avoided at all costs is praising with cold, hard cash.
• “While offering your kids cash incentives isn't a smart idea, you should embrace opportunities to celebrate their hard work and achievements. "Going out for ice cream or a special meal after a good report card or musical performance or some other achievement is a way of celebrating children's hard work and persistence," Donahue says.
• Encourage new activities. "Praise kids for trying new things, like learning to ride a bike or tie their shoelaces, and for not being afraid to make mistakes," Donahue says.
•  Don't praise the obvious. "Try not to overdo praise about a child's attributes: 'You're so smart, handsome, pretty, bright, talented, gifted,'" Donahue says. "Parents and grandparents are, of course, going to indulge in some of this, and that is OK. But if your kids hear a constant litany of praise, it will begin to sound empty to them and have little meaning."
• Say it when you mean it. Saying, "Good job," when you mean it or, "Boy, you really worked hard on that paper," tells children that, as parents, you recognize the value of their hard work and efforts, Donahue says. It also tells them that you know the difference between when they work hard at something and when it comes easy.